One of my favorite “save myself” lines that I say to myself after a failure is, “Oh, it is okay as long as I have learned something from it.” But who am I kidding? It is still a fail and learning doesn’t typically prevent it from happening in the same way again. That is an example of one of the rumble discussions Brene’ Brown refers to in her book, “Rising Strong”. It is a term to describe honest discussions with yourself.
Dr. Brown details three easy steps to “Rising Strong” including paying attention to what you are feeling emotionally and physically, writing down the story you are telling yourself – whether it is real or not – and taking insights from the “rumbling” talk with yourself. She says, “the goal of the rumble is to get honest about the stories we’re making up about our struggles, to revisit, challenge and reality-check these narratives.”
Learning simply to notice our true feelings takes hard work! We first have to give ourselves permission to feel and be vulnerable and to ask, “why” we feel a certain way. It takes courage.
Keeping it real
Keeping it real with yourself means asking yourself some questions. I LOVE THIS! The story that you are telling yourself? Wow! That hits home! We tend to know when someone else is telling us their version of a story and we allow it. Gut check.
When I was given the assignment by Mind Body Align in early January, I was to write a blog on the topic Rising Strong. Following the steps that are outlined in the book, I determine the story that I’m making up is that “January is the worst month of the year for me. I am not ready for a new year to begin as the previous one is not over yet. Surely, I know people are planning, filling out their schedules, and they have closed the books on the previous year. Nope, not me.”
I check in with my emotions and they tell me that I have had so much to do on my own. It is hard running a business, a household, and raising a 17-year-old daughter by myself. I have been too busy to catch up. I will get there. No one understands.
My body is feeling as though I am running on empty. I am hurried and going in circles. I have so much I want to do but so little time.
Next, the book suggests that I assess my thinking. I feel as though my thinking makes sense. It is rational of course to feel this way. I am justified and “no one knows the trouble I’ve seen.”
Lastly, I observe my actions and say to myself, “Let’s just ignore the inner self-emotions. I do not have time to stop and think! No time for planning, meditation, or sharpening the saw. Just keep going! Do not stop to think.”
Hearing the truth
The point of her lesson is to clear the rumbling, come out with a clearer result and to “add positive changes that create a new revolutionized result.” Interestingly, the truth is I DO THIS TO MYSELF. Cheryl Carter’s January blog quote said it best for me, “But in the stillness, I began to see truths that had eluded me.” It was all so clear. By going deep into my own feelings, I was able to hear the truth. I had forgotten to stop and observe!
In truth, I have had a few tough years that have continually taken twists and turns from good to bad to worse to KEEP GOING. I have lived in a self-proclaimed bubble. It was created years ago (without having a rumbling self-discussion technique to rely on.) I was very proud of it too. Hiding from my own self. Not feeling failures deeply because I was learning something from them so – “let’s just keep riding them out.”
My 20-year marriage ended and I moved back to Mansfield, my hometown in 2010. A couple years later, I was fired from working as a consultant for a whole food nutritional company. It was a commission only based position so I was devastated. The next year in 2014, I lost a very close friend.
2015 brought many changes. I lost my mother in law during the same month I was diagnosed with thyroid disease. My RED VW Passat Turbo car was totaled and I was without a vehicle. So to hide more, I started caring for a 90-year old Purple Heart Veteran. September 2015 I opened my Healthy Transformation downtown Mansfield office.
I lost my biological father on February 18, 2016. For the majority of 2017 my Dad was in and out of the hospital with major health issues that continue today. There are no words to describe the feelings of trying to RISE STRONG in spite of not being able to help with his pain.
Yes, I have had opportunities of wallowing in fear and failure. The potential that can be realized when you allow learning to arise out of challenges is amazing. I am no different than the next woman who is learning how to RISE STRONG. I have learned that paying attention to our true emotions allows us to get to a place within ourselves that guides us to a better tomorrow. Even after we fail.
Next time you feel down about something, go through this exercise – asking yourself about your own story, checking in with your body, your emotions, thoughts, and actions. You will see how observing your truth can actually bring you out of the trap you set for yourself.
“One day at a time – this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.” Ida Scott Taylor