This last year tested me. It tested my patience, values, self-control, and boundaries. It reignited the big transcendental question, “What’s the point?” It also caused me to contemplate and take action on things I never guessed I would need to act upon.
In some ways, I’m curious: Are all major life changes a test? Are they testing our commitments and values? Do these challenges force us to choose, to cut off and uproot some things and to fertilize and strengthen others?
As I’m contemplating the writing of this blog post, I’m walking my driveway. I have my earbuds in and, to any onlooker, I’m talking to myself. I guess I am talking to myself. I’m telling myself about what it is to be calm in the face of change because, well – I’m curious about the topic.
Calm is not my traditional way of being. I’m a “hot head” when triggered.
Suddenly, I remember my dog Sophie. She was a beautiful black and tan German Shepherd who passed away a few years ago. When she would spot an animal such as a rabbit or a squirrel, she would go still, her whole body lowering to the ground, and she would move deliberately and silently until the moment that she shot forward like the bullet out of a gun, charging fatally toward her target.
When I am triggered, I react in one of three ways. I scream, cry, or get very deliberate, like Sophie.
What Does Self-Control Have to Do With Staying Calm?*
I read this book a number of years ago Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength by Roy Baumeister and the ideas changed how I thought about self-control.
At the time, Baumeister’s research popularized the idea that willpower operates somewhat like a muscle: exercising self-control can temporarily make subsequent acts of self-control more difficult, while practicing self-control may help us become better at it over time.
I had always thought an individual either had willpower or didn’t. I put myself firmly in the “didn’t” category. I ate too much, couldn’t maintain an exercise routine, and blah-blah-blah. I didn’t have willpower.
Research into self-control has evolved considerably since the book was published. Large replication studies have challenged the idea that willpower is a single, limited resource that simply becomes depleted with use. Researchers also no longer have strong evidence for the early theory that exercising self-control depletes glucose in the bloodstream in a way that explains a loss of willpower.
What has stayed with me isn’t the idea that I have a fixed supply of willpower. It’s something more useful: self-control isn’t simply something you either have or don’t have.
For me, practices that support my physical and mental well-being—and opportunities to intentionally practice how I respond—help me approach difficult moments with greater awareness and self-control.
5 Ways I Practice Staying Calm During Change
Eat nourishing food. This isn’t a diet or gimmick. Eat the foods that support your body and brain. Balanced is better. Learn how your body works and what it needs by experimenting with foods and keeping a food diary. Notice when you feel energetic, sluggish, brain fog, or mentally sharp. Do you retain water or have aching joints? Eliminate some foods and experiment with others. Your body will tell you what’s right for you.
Move your body. Try a variety of different types of activities. There are so many interesting games and ways to stay fit. My current interest is pickleball! Schedule a few activities that increase your heart rate and a few that calm your mind and stretch your body. Try hiking, swimming laps, or jazzercise. And, have fun!
Get quality sleep. If I don’t get enough sleep, I don’t have the ability to resist temptation of all kinds, including emotional triggers. Sleep is essential for healing the body and mind. Develop a healthy routine that begins an hour before you plan to go to sleep. Turn off all your devices (including your television), wash and moisturize your face, brush your teeth, read poetry or a contemplative book, and meditate. Show your body and mind that you are slowing down and preparing for rest.
Journal and Reflect. Many philosophers, both ancient and modern, recommend we control our thoughts. Reflective Journaling builds the muscle of noticing our thoughts. It is one of the best ways I have found to strengthen self-control and support my ability to stay calm and make the next right decision.
Practice self-control. This is harder than it looks! My tendency is to say, “Ok, I’ll practice self-control.” But I am human, and when a moment arises that tests my self-control, sometimes I resist temptation I cave. I am more successful when I am specific and measurable about what my goal is.
Make Your Self-Control Practice Specific and Measurable
It is about building this important muscle of self-control. Set the intention to resist a specific temptation. For example, schedule one hour each day when you don’t look at your phone, a 12-hour day when you resist making a snarky comment, or five days when you walk outside for 30 minutes (rain, shine, or snow). Whatever you choose, I invite you to notice and acknowledge yourself every time you engage the will to resist.
Navigating and managing a changing environment, especially one that is as unexpected, multifaceted, and universal like our current world’s changes brought about by the Coronavirus, requires a large reserve of physical and mental energy. These moments test your commitments and values; they force you to make hard choices.
You Can Practice Being Calm in the Face of Change
I hope this information will reassure you. You do have the ability to cultivate the muscles you need to be calm in the face of change. I invite you to make time to care for yourself. Feel my hand holding yours, and send yourself, me, and the world loving kindness. We can all use a positive energy boost. Find beautiful, supportive audio meditations on mindbodyalign.com.
*Editor’s note: This article was originally written when the strength model of self-control was widely discussed in popular psychology. Research on ego depletion has evolved, and this section has been updated to reflect the ongoing scientific debate.
