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Embracing the new you

Embracing the new you

 

2018 is going to be an AMAZING YEAR! “8” is the number of new beginnings and there’s no better time to envision a fresh start than at the start of a new year. You might say that New Year’s Day represents a big Monday on steroids. Everyone knows that Monday is “the” day for starting new projects and that January 1st is “the” day to start becoming the “new” you. Perhaps it isn’t a “new” you that’s needed, but rather the unveiling of an “evolved” you.

Until your soul is quieted, it’s actually quite difficult to drill deeply enough to identify what’s holding the “real” you hostage. Every one of us is full of the genius necessary to live out our purpose on the earth and do so quite gloriously. Getting there is the issue. It’s a process of stepping into higher and higher dimensions of ourselves. We’re not ready day one, so our lives have a way of helping us if we’re paying attention. I must not have been paying attention.

It was a cold day in January

January 19, 2017, to be exact. One moment I was in motion and the next I was not. It was a hard and brutal stop. When the squad arrived, I was still “thinking” in slow motion. “What on earth just happened? How bad is it? I’m afraid to move. I hope the others are alright. I’ve got to call my office. This is bad. This is really, really bad.” Sirens fade in and out. Surrounded by comforting voices, I just couldn’t catch up with reality.

After doing all they could, the hospital released me into my parent’s care. “I don’t have time for this. Just give me a few days to rest, and I’ll be good as new.” After being bed-ridden for the 1st three weeks, I realized “this” is happening. By the end of the 2nd, I had to surrender to “it” or lose my mind. By the end of the 3rd three weeks, I found a way to embrace it. I had been given a gift; one that came swiftly, violently, and unapologetically. Although it took some time for me to embrace it, the “stillness” was exactly what I needed. I had several months of uninterrupted time to do some work, some real work.

I had increase on my mind

When our souls are quiet, we can reflect, reconsider and re-evaluate our lives. I thought I was “on track”, whatever that means. I thought I was doing okay. But in the stillness, I began to see truths that had eluded me. I began to see what was driving me each day. I connected with the knots in my stomach and the fatigue in my bones. I leaned into the weariness I’d been avoiding. I decided to face the truth behind these manifestations of misalignment. We cannot expect to grow, to expand, or to increase when we’re disconnected from ourselves? It was clearly time for a “newer” me to emerge from the rubble.

When I considered all that I wanted to accomplish, I knew I’d never make it if something didn’t change. I decided to drill down beneath every thought, attitude, and behavior that clearly wasn’t serving me. I focused on anything based in fear, doubt, or unbelief. I probed beneath anger and unforgiveness. I examined deeply held beliefs about life, love, and living in order to pinpoint why I wasn’t manifesting the life I really wanted. I challenged myself to adopt new ways of thinking. I looked at everything I was involved in and asked myself “how does this align with my values, my purpose, and my passions?”

Becoming new

By the time I returned to Mansfield, I knew it wouldn’t be business as usual for me ever again. I had to maintain my new mind-body connection. I learned to honor the limits of my humanity. I eliminated things that I secretly dreaded. I decide to let go of what I thought “had” to be and opened myself up to what “was.” I decided to live a life of infinite possibilities; to approach each day with gratitude for what would unfold, believing that I had all that I needed to live each day fully.

To walk in each new dimension of life, we must become a higher version of ourselves. Who we are is sufficient for today. Who we are becoming is necessary for our tomorrows. Transformation flows from the inside out. When you embrace a new “view” of you, you unleash the power to become a “new” you or, should I say “unveil” the next higher version of yourself. She’s already in you. Isn’t it about time for “her” to show up?

Connect with a mentor

Connect with a mentor

Upon graduating from The Ohio State University, I immediately put my engineering degree to work at IBM as a Marketing Representative. The company was known for its world class sales training. If you worked for IBM, you were regarded as the “best-of-the-best.” And, that’s exactly what I wanted.  I was suddenly immersed in a world of high rollers. Monthly commission checks of $25k-$30k were common place. Jaguars, Corvettes, BMWs and a certain someone’s Ford Escort lined our private parking garage.

As an engineering student, I was accustomed to being one of a few females in class. Engineering was a man’s world at the time. This was not the case in sales and marketing. The coolest thing about my new world was that there were as many incredibly successful women as their were men. And of course, I expected one of those successful women to take me under her wing and show me the way.

I’d graduated in the top 5th of the Engineering College. I’d been inducted into the engineering honors society with five years of technical and marketing internships under my belt. If anyone qualified for the “ wing” thing, I surely did, or so I thought.

Well, I must have been delusional because the “wing” thing never happened. In spite of all the world class training, I struggled. What did I know about selling Million Dollar solutions? I had technical training in closing a deal but no real life savvy. I eventually figured some things out through trial and error and enjoyed some pretty decent success. But I knew I had the ability to achieve more.  Does this resonate with anyone?

Have you ever had a time in your life when you were doing okay but knew that you were capable of something greater and you just didn’t know how to get there? Well that was me, all day every day. And the gap between my reality and my possibilities was exasperating! I needed some help. I needed someone who’d gone before me to care enough to teach me in a moment what would otherwise take months, if not years, to learn.

The best of the best had help along the way

No one can soar to new heights alone. We simply need each other. And more than anything we need to benefit from the wisdom and lessons of those who’ve gone before us. That’s the circle of life isn’t it?

So, back to the “wing” thing.

Have you ever said to yourself some version of “I could be so much further ahead if only I’d known better, if only I knew how to… if only I’d been aware of… or if only someone had taught me?” The unspoken subtext is “I have so much more potential! Can someone help me get to the next level?”

Well guess what? When you can’t find the answer, sometimes you have to become the answer. Over the years, I discovered that my purpose was linked to helping women unleash their potential, ultimately discovering the greatness that lies within them. Shucks! Life is too short and we’re too dog gone valuable for anything less than the fullest expression of our beings. This life would be a cruel experiment by the cosmos if there wasn’t something greater to be created, to be experienced, to be manifested.

The I.N.H.E.R. Circle

So I’ve decided to create The I.N.H.E.R. Circle which is a community of women dedicated to the pursuit of purpose, passion and destiny. (I.N.H.E.R., Instruments of Nurturing, Healing, Empowerment and Resources) We honor the magnitude and majesty of each other’s lives by serving as instruments of nurturing, healing, empowerment and resources. We believe that every human being is a gift to the universe and must be treated as such as we simultaneously challenge one another to discover who we are beyond our titles, to cultivate our unique skills and talents, to find our voices, become our authentic selves, harness our strength, unleash our potential and manifest greatness.

As women, we are tied to one another by our very essence. And we are never alone. You are in my circle. I am in your circle and together, we are I.N.H.E.R. Circle. ”

The first I.N.H.E.R. Circle gathering is October 27th from 6-8pm at the Area Agency on Aging in Ontario, Ohio. Save the date! Details forthcoming on Facebook. Email cherylcarter2008@yahoo.com.

Walking away: I was created for something greater

Walking away: I was created for something greater

WalkingAway

“You’re a chump! GET OUTTA HERE,” he said.

With tears streaming down my face, I glanced over my shoulder knowing it would be the last time I would ever step foot in that house again. It was a hell-hole. And, as gut-wrenching as it was to leave, I refused to live under the same roof with a man who devalued my life.

“Are you kidding me?” I thought. And, although I was frightened, ashamed, disoriented and fragile—I had resolved that preserving my life, my purpose, and my destiny—were worth the price I would pay for walking away.

I had agonized over my decision for some time because of my religious beliefs.

And then I had an epiphany—“What right do I have to allow another human being to systematically destroy me when there was One who died to give me life in the first place?” He was abused so I didn’t have to be.

About forty-five days after the “I do’s”, the madness began to show itself in periodic and reasonably explicable ways. Over time, the trauma became relentless. Near the end, I was afraid, for my life had become utterly surreal.

I was raised to believe that if you treated people well, they would in turn treat you well. I was taught to first do no harm. Sometime later, I realized that most of what I was taught was about how to treat others, but never about what to require of them. Living in a state of shock, I was tormented by thoughts like:

How did I get here? This can’t be happening to me!

What will people think of me? I’m too intelligent for this! What did I do to deserve this?

How can I make it stop? If I stay, I will surely die.

What will my son think of me if I stay?

How could I let another human being abuse the privilege of being in my life?

Worse yet, what kind of message would this impress upon my son about manhood?

Because surely—what he observed, discerned, and experienced—was a perversion of the real thing.

My mind was losing its grip. All I had to hold on to was the fact that I knew I was created for something greater.

I fought to counteract every lie spoken to me by a small man. I fought to hold on to the real truth about me that seemed to be fading under the weight of extreme cruelty.

The irony was that in the midst of this nightmare, I had to keep showing up on the earth giving to others. It seemed too great a paradox to endure for any length of time; eventually, I could take it no more and made the decision that saved my life.

I had to go!

No matter the cost to my reputation, my image, my ministry, my whatever. What mattered most was that I lived and did not die. Sometimes you just have to boil a thing down to its essence.

I thought about my vision for my life and the impact I was born to make in the world.

Although I died a thousand deaths by walking away from the illusion of love, nothing is more sublime than advocating for one’s self. It all started with a single gut-wrenching, death-defying decision that went against every religious belief and tenet of my faith.

Eventually, I began to see that even in the worst of times society puts a burden on women. We’re expected to fix things, hold things together and make them right for everyone else at the expense of ourselves.  Our true selves. Our authentic selves.

In the end, I simply could not shake this one thought; why would The One who died for me to live—put more value on the institution of marriage—than MY LIFE itself.

Some women choose to stay and never become who they were created to become. Well, you know what? Not this sister!

I had value long before I became a wife or a mother.

I had a divine call on my life long before I said “I do.” I was created to make a global impact long before he put a ring on it. And, being in relationship with another should have a multiplier effect of the good that is already in my life. But, that was clearly not the case, and I paid a price for it. Please don’t feel sorry for me. This experience served to confirm my life’s work.

In the midst of the trauma, I was a student of my own life. I began to see that in spite of my professional success I privately moved among the earth like a victim. It’s overrated and I had had enough. Once I transitioned to my refuge, I became obsessed with soul-work. It was grueling to say the least but worth the eventual metamorphosis.

I reprogrammed my thoughts to develop a power mindset.

I methodically established order in my world to create an environment for unleashing my potential.

I painstakingly constructed the base of personal power from which I operate today.

I nurtured my authentic voice and watched the world respond to me in a completely different way.

The pain served its purpose.

I fear no man.

Period.

Too high a price to pay

I don’t know about you, but I’ve come to believe that anything that costs us our health, our sanity, our dreams, our intrinsic value, our authentic selves, our potential, our self-worth, and ultimately our lives is too high a price to pay. My magnificent obsession is to share with you the concepts, strategies and resources I’ve developed for living a “power-full” life; I pray that yours becomes the pursuit.

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Now it’s your turn

Have you ever walked away? Be it a relationship, job, addiction…

What was in your way? What was your ultimate vision? How did/do you achieve that goal?

Write your thoughts in the comments section below.
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