The age-old question of– “If you could go back in time what would you do differently?” has been asked by so many people. I’ve asked myself this question many times and others have asked me more times than I can remember. I have replied that, if given the chance, I would definitely change many things. But why did I say this? Why would I want to go back and change anything? This response says to others and myself, “Boy, I really screwed that up” or “I’m so embarrassed that I keep making the same mistakes over and over” or “What the hell is wrong with me?”
These thoughts and feelings have plagued me the majority of my life. It’s amazing how our mind comes up with a need to defend why we did or didn’t do something. When we feel compelled to justify something, maybe it’s a decision to stay in an unhealthy relationship, that very need to justify the decision is the body’s way of letting us know it time to release it from our life. To start anew. How free would it feel if we could just accept what we’ve “screwed up” in our past? Or not knowing how something will go or what our next step will be and saying, “I love that!”. In this instance, freedom comes from knowing we always have that choice.
We have two voices that can tell us the next step…the first comes from the body. Your body says to make a change and release what you’re holding onto, but the mind starts to freak out. It goes to what we will be giving up or losing because it can’t see what we’ll be gaining. The mind can only see one step ahead and it wants to keep us safe. So, the body says, “I want to explore Arizona to live.” “I really want to start my own business.” “I want to leave this relationship.” Whatever the inspired feeling is, it is a preview, but the feeling can’t tell you why you should go or what that journey will look like because you haven’t done it. Learn to love and trust the space of the unknown. Instead, what if you were to say, “I want to explore Arizona to live and grow my business, and I have no clue what that looks like…and I love that!!” or “I can’t take the abuse in this marriage anymore. I really don’t know where I’m going to live or how I’m going to make it on my own…and I love that!!” There’s something in our body calling us to do this – it’s our first voice, our true voice. But we’ve been conditioned to ignore this voice and listen to the voice in our head, which then causes us to lower ourselves to the mind’s understanding. Every time I listen to my mind I feel confused, disconnected, and overwhelmed. We are not designed to make decisions from our minds because that comes from a limited capacity. Our true potential and capacity lie within the body, and the body never lies.
Being okay with where we really are creates a new story. The real story. We have to see and know that we are enough or we’ll always be coming from a place that is lacking. In this place, we may believe we need to be fixed or try to fix everyone or everything around us. In my life, I felt like I wasn’t enough. I felt guilty and embarrassed for the choices I had made. In my heart I can understand at a true level why I did, but what caused my pain was wanting those around me to understand why. We are taught that happiness, love, and approval comes from outside ourselves, and so the journey of constantly chasing our tails in hopes of finding the perfect job, the perfect mate, the perfect blah-blah-blah becomes our false reality. It’s really hard to have clarity when we’re always looking through a distorted lens. Living from a limited perspective creates hidden blockers. No wonder we’re always wishing we could go back in time for a do-over.
Could you be telling a different story? Are you carrying your past with you and making decisions from that past instead of from the here and now? How have you viewed yourself, and are you afraid of what you’ll be losing? Making decisions that you think are in the here and now but are really based on how you view yourself will show up in how things are flowing in your life. Do you feel alive and performing at your highest level or do feel overwhelmed and frustrated? If you’re feeling the latter that is an indication you’re living and making decisions from your head.
Be open to being you and creating something new. Loving the space of the unknown is where the magic happens, and that’s where the byproduct of you living in your highest self resides. In remembering the body never lies you’ll listen and trust it. Living life beyond the blocks you will perform, excel, achieve, and actualize the life of your dreams. So, would I ever go back in time and change anything? Absolutely not, because now is all I have. To go back would be creating a false story attached to some illusionary expectations that were never real to begin with. I’m right where I want to be and I’m right on time.
Oh, one more thing…I’m totally free to screw anything and everything up, AND I LOVE THAT!!
Chris works with entrepreneurs, business leaders, athletes, and high performers to improve their performance in all areas of their life by getting beyond any mental or physical blocks that may be holding them back.
Chris can be reached at (419) 651-7753 or by email at chrisstonercoaching@gmail.com.
I remember the cartoon The Jetsons– George, Jane, daughter Judy, son Elroy, and their dog, Astro. They were zipping around with jetpacks, moving sidewalks, robot maids, and flying cars. It was fascinating to see their “out of this world” use of technology and dream about what it would be like. Seriously, can you imagine a world of video conferencing, robot vacuum cleaners, drones that delivered packages, and smartwatches? Or how about seeing the cellphone in “Star Trek;” or a computerized tablet in “The Space Odyssey;” or even a brain-controlled prosthetic limb from “Star Wars.” Oh wait– you can imagine it… better yet– we can LIVE it!
The speed of technology in and around us is progressing every second. If you can imagine it– it is likely possible. In the world of Anti-Aging medicine, it is a similar phenomenon. It is estimated that the doubling time of medical knowledge in 1950 was 50 years; in 2010, 3.5 years. In 2020 the amount of medical knowledge is projected to double in just 73 days.
My mind starts racing when I think of the information we have access to regarding Anti-Aging medicine and our longevity. For me, trying to narrow down the topic is like trying to get a child to pick out only two candies when there is an entire bowl full to choose from. I’ll stick to a few developments that research shows can bring life-changing and life-lengthening benefits to you.
Let’s start right out of the gate with the amazing emerging science of Peptide Therapy. Peptides are small proteins made of amino acids in short sequences and they have the ability to rewrite your body’s destiny. There are over 7000 peptides actively being studied and 150 in use currently. The small molecules act as signals for very specific reactions. Because peptides are naturally occurring, big pharma has not regulated their use– YET.
If you know anyone who struggles with memory issues, concentration or focus; or has concerns about dementia or neurologic disorders; or brain inflammation issues like biotoxin exposure– then RG3+NAD nasal peptide spray is one you must know about. It works to stimulate brain healing and repair. Substances used to enhance brain function are known as nootropics. In fact, iRG3+NAD is the only thing we have found to stimulate neuroregeneration.
Maybe you have become very aware of the dramatic increase in cancer rates in those around you and even the very young. Peptide science is revealing molecules that can actually carry a chemotherapeutic inside of a cancer cell for incredibly targeted treatments. This allows for a significantly increased response to chemotherapy. Peptide PNC-27 has been shown to be highly effective in several cancers– specifically pancreatic cancer. Cancer cells turn off the bodies ability to “see” them and this peptide turns this back on. Hide and seek is over with certain cancers when this peptide is on board.
In a society focused on anti-aging, peptide therapy offers some uses that almost everyone can find appealing. How about a Fat Loss Peptide cream? This cream is used to spot treat areas like the abdomen, upper arms, and thighs. It decreases the fat under the skin by an impressive amount considering you are rubbing a cream on every day. The average waist measurement difference is 11cm in 12 weeks. As you can see, peptide therapies will bring incredible changes to our lives starting… NOW!
Medical research is revealing that some modalities can not only feel great but do great things for us. Let’s turn our attention to Infrared (IR) Saunas as our next Anti-Aging treatment. IR saunas use invisible infrared light to heat up the body. Instead of just using a heat source like a dry sauna or steam sauna, the IR light penetrates the skin to jump-start the body at the cellular level. This approach stimulates the healing and repair of tissues as well as increased detoxification. IR saunas have been proven to lower blood pressure, increase weight loss, speed injury healing, stimulate collagen production, and reduce pain levels by up to 70%. We can thank NASA for justifying the use of this anti-aging modality. Just think… you can get the benefits from IR saunas by simply relaxing and possibly listening to your favorite podcast (not-so-subtle plug for the MBA podcast “Second Sip.”)
Let’s finish up with a couple of things that you have complete control over, as well as being quick and equipment free: High-Intensity Interval Training, Fasting and Mindset Effect.
Now don’t be turned off by reading the words High-Intensity Interval Training. HIIT, as it is commonly referred to, can be a game changer for your approach to exercise. Imagine exercising in small amounts of time… I mean really small like 7.5 to 20 minutes PER WEEK and actually getting results. There are some great apps available such as Seven, Sworkit, and FitBit Coach HIIT that are free and offer workouts from 7-35 minutes. To get the researched benefits, you must perform the workout with an intense effort and follow it with short recovery periods. HIIT actually boosts your metabolism for 48 hours after workouts. The benefits seen include weight loss, improved exercise endurance, and improved heart function. There’s no need to hop on the treadmill for an epic hour and a half. You can simply do brief, high-intensity exercise for proven health benefits.
Fasting is another phenomenal longevity modality that continues to have research proven benefits. The scientific and medical literature contains literally hundreds of papers dealing with the therapeutic use of fasting. It has been extensively used in the treatment of a variety of conditions including obesity, diabetes, epilepsy, coronary artery disease, congestive heart failure, cancer, and autoimmune disease such as rheumatoid arthritis. There are two main types frequently studied. Intermittent fasting is limiting calories between 8-24 hours and prolonged fasting is longer than 3 days.
Why does fasting work? Think of your body organ systems as a game of red light/green light. When you eat, the lights are green allowing that organ to do its job. The organ also has a stoplight allowing it to stop when it needs to. The more the body functions together, the better “traffic keeps flowing.” But also think about repairs– if you need to repair a road, the stoplights have to go to red to stop traffic. The same happens with our body. It needs downtime to restore and repair. Your body naturally goes into a “red light” stop and repair mode within 10-12 hours after your last meal. The repair mode is crucial to our body being able to recover from injury or cell damage that might have happened throughout the day. Your genetic makeup is actually programmed to function this way– turning genes on and off. The only way you can control this natural rhythm of repair is by allowing 10-12 hours between eating typically overnight as in Intermittent Fasting or Time Restricted Fasting.
If your body is attempting to heal and repair major issues such as autoimmune disorders, cancer, or heart issues to name a few, we are finding that Prolonged Fasts can be very helpful. Don’t fret– there are protocols that allow you to eat small and very specific foods if you don’t want to do a complete fast for 5 days. We work with ProLon who provides a box with everything you eat in 5 days. This more intense fast modulates immunity, improves brain function, lowers blood pressure, decreases inflammatory markers, and lowers cholesterol. It is a comprehensive system “reboot.”
Wrapping up the proven Anti-Aging modalities that can help us live longer and healthier lives is the discussion of the Mindset Effect. William James said, “Man can alter his life by altering his thinking.” Research is continuing to reinforce this principle. Did you know that just thinking positively about exercise or how much activity you do leads to increased longevity? And to be clear, I did not say you actually did more exercise. In the study, the positive thinkers tended to outlive those who didn’t feel good about the exercise they participate in even when they did more exercise. Because of your beliefs, your body responds with changes that have lifelong effects!
Another mindfulness activity involves joyful journaling. I bet you have heard about the benefits of joyful journaling and how it can reprogram your brain. To do this, simply think of three things that brought you joy and write them down before you go to bed. Researchers have found that when you do this nightly for one week, it enhances happiness for up to one month and reduces depressive symptoms for up to 6 months. Again we see how our mindset affects our health and wellbeing. Through natural chemicals like dopamine, endorphins, endocannabinoids, serotonin, and gaba we can enhance chemical reactions that positively affect our longevity.
In the world of Anti-Aging medicine, there are literally hundreds of treatment options. Our goal is to always put together the recommendations that best fit each person’s current condition and their goals. Simply start by eating real food, moving until your mind is clear, and getting adequate rest. Start incorporating changes and build on those new habits. If you need or want help, we are here for you. By listening to patients, we can openly discuss options that will help them lead the life they imagine living. It is not always easy and not always fast, but using the bodies innate ability to heal we believe it is possible. I feel blessed to be able to walk alongside patients in this incredible journey that we call life– in the most revolutionary time of medical options.
Dr. Melissa McRae is a Board Certified Family Physician. She has completed specialty work in functional medicine with the Institute for Functional Medicine and the American Academy of Anti-Aging Medicine. She is certified in Peptide Therapy and continues to learn from world experts in these areas. Dr. McRae founded Vitality Natural Wellness and MedSpa in order to make whole-body, transformative medicine accessible to everyone through innovative treatments, comprehensive care and a culture of excellence. When Dr. McRae is not in the office seeing patients, she can be found enjoying her three kids, reading and writing, and enjoying the outdoors.
My first thought when approached with the subject of Creating Your Sanctuary was “easy peasy, I’m a designer at McCready Interiors, I do that for clients and customers every day”. I ask many questions to find what they want their environment to reflect, then select styles and fabrics or leathers that will be successful in creating that feeling.
A sanctuary is a place of refuge, a place of safety, a place to retreat, it should reflect whatever brings you a sense of peace and tranquility.
In reflecting and researching for my blog, I considered that my personal sanctuary actually changes quite often. My home is obviously a sanctuary where I retreat at the end of the day, but I soon realized I have many opportunities for a sanctuary; a walk in the woods, my gardens, a yoga class, even a visit to the home of my best friend since high school to enjoy the hot tub and catch up.
Your sanctuary may be the beach, an exercise class, a girls night out, or a space in your home you can make your own. It could be those moments when you have the opportunity for “no boys (or kids) allowed”, a big comfy reading chair or a place you can have quiet time to reflect, meditate, or just slow down to recharge.
As women, many of our lives are centered around taking care of others; we are nurturers, caregivers, helpmates. We tend to do for others before taking care of ourselves. When we give our all to everyone else, there is little left for ourselves. The importance of self-care is critical to our well-being. We must take the time to regard ourselves highly enough to carve out time and space to enjoy a sanctuary of our own.
Creating your sanctuary is simply making a space that gives you the opportunity to surround yourself with an area to take a breath and unwind.
If you are able to start with a blank slate space, select a wall color that reflects calm to you. Select pieces that avoid clutter and chaos, keep the space simple. This is an area you want to be able to completely relax in.
Carefully edit what you place in your sacred space, less is usually more when you are looking for a place for quiet or meditation. If nature brings you calm and joy, place greenery or nature-inspired artwork there. Position your comfy reading chair facing a window so you can enjoy the view. If the beach is your sanctum, use colors that reflect the sand, sea, and sky. Surround yourself with beauty and an atmosphere of calm. Turn off the TV and turn on your favorite music if you don’t want silence. I have many Pandora stations I can select from to enhance whatever mood or feeling I want to focus on. I choose Motown if I want to escape and maybe dance a little (when no one is watching), Glenn Miller if I’m feeling nostalgic, Eric Clapton or the Beatles for a variety of reasons, and slow smooth jazz or classical choices to for a quieter environment.
Candles whether real or the real-looking battery powered styles can set the mood with soft lighting. Many of us have essential oils and diffusers to provide soothing scents to help create the perfect environment.
When we make time to devote to ourselves and nurture ourselves, we become our better selves. A sacred space is a perfect place to let our best selves shine through. Creating a sanctuary isn’t difficult. Just remember to keep it reflective of who you are and what kind of energy you want it to invoke.
Laurie Beech has been a designer at McCready Interiors for nearly 18 years. She and her husband Tom have been married for 31 years and have no children. They purchased her grandparents home when they got married and she is 4th generation in that home. She has seven nieces and nephews and six great nieces and nephews that she loves spending time with.
Laurie is treasurer of the Ashland Chautauqua Planning Committee, a past vice president and current board member with the Mansfield Referral Association and volunteers with Young Eagles, an organization that gives children 8-17 free airplane rides.
I need to be completely transparent here. When I was asked (in January) to write this blog for Mind Body Align, I knew very little about what went on at the Butterfly House, nor did I think that I would ever write a blog. However, always being up for an adventure, I thought why not? It isn’t due until December. I can do this!
The topic, Helping Others, didn’t seem hard. That is what I do, right? I mean, I am the oldest in my family (also known as, the caretaker), and retired from the local child support agency after 25 years of helping people establish paternity and child support orders for their kids (I should write a book about THAT!). In addition to that, for 6 years, have been the Intake Director for Starfish Project, which helps those struggling with addictions find treatment options.
Helping others is in my wheelhouse. Super simple, right?
Doing the Research
What my crazy undiagnosed ADHD brain completely and conveniently glossed over was the second half of the title, Helping Yourself. Oh. Stop. Helping Yourself? Like in, Helping Myself? Well, that is a game changer.
And, the way my brain works, I immediately launched into an in-depth study about self-help. Let’s look at the research, study flow charts and statistical data, get some great graphics, a couple of good stories, and maybe a catchphrase to tie it all together. Never mind if it is something that I can apply to my life or circumstances, just do the research!
With that spectacular goal in mind, I forged into the year and started attending the Coffee Talks – I wanted to know the audience, right? I had already had discussions with our pastor about meeting with him to do some self-care. Perfect timing, let’s do that!
I looked up articles and studies on self-care and read them intently looking for great information and skills that I could pass on. I looked at this assignment as a way to help the audience get information, but did not pay attention to what I was doing, nor did I apply it to my own life. I was still running at a crazy pace. I wasn’t taking breaks or cueing in on what I needed. By March, however, I had noticed a couple of things.
Revelations and Purpose
First, I really liked the Coffee Talks. I mean, I really liked them. I found the connection with other women was something which had been missing from my life. Second, meeting with the pastor to talk about self-care in ministry was not painless. It forced me to focus on things about myself that I would rather not have thought about or acted on. It made me quiet my hyperactive, squirrel-chasing brain for an hour or so and really work on myself.
Finally, the research and data did not really address the issue in the way I had hoped; it all seemed a little clinical. So, I decided to regroup and to focus on what was working for me! This was great because I went into the second quarter of the year with these revelations and armed with a new sense of purpose. I pushed on.
The Big Crash
There were many summer events for Starfish. We were also involved with people going into treatment and returning to the community after treatment. Meetings with the pastor were not happening at this time. We were just too busy.
A short break with a one week getaway to Western Michigan on the lake was decided on. No real plans, just a relaxing time to reconnect with my husband and disconnect from the non-profit. We had a great time. We ate good food, walked on the lovely beaches, and walked the streets of Saugatuck with our dogs enjoying the small shops and restaurants. We slowed down the pace of our lives.
On August 25th we got back into Mansfield late. The next day was church and family time. And on the following day, August 27th, my mother died. She was in hospice care, but even the caregivers were taken by surprise because she literally woke up, had breakfast, took a nap, and never woke up.
Permission to Pause
There was no obvious need to complete her funeral arrangements which were pretty much pre-planned, but there were some details to finish. I felt like I was in slow motion and everything required more effort than normal.
I kept forgetting things. I tried to keep going as best I could, but I knew that I needed a break. I needed time. I needed to help myself.
So, I did something very uncharacteristic for me. I did nothing other than what had to be done for that current day. I did the minimum necessary for 2 weeks. No work, no new clients. I sat, slept, read, cried, and sat some more. I applied some of the “research” for this blog to my life, and it helped.
These are the lessons from my year:
Helping others is an act of love. Coming from my Biblical perspective, I am commanded to love others as I love myself. As I love myself. I can not properly love (help, support or nurture) others if I do not love myself first.
For me, it means that I need to acknowledge that I am loved by God and valued by Him just as I am (crazy brain and all). It means a level of acceptance that believes I am worth loving, nurturing, and protecting, without feeling guilty or begrudging myself the same help I would give others.
Helping others will drain your emotional resources. Because that’s true, you must make allowances to replenish your spirit. You cannot serve from an empty vessel. What is it that fills your spirit? Is it walking in the woods or reading a great novel? Do you feel replenished after time spent alone or with family?
I found that what worked for me was connecting intentionally with my husband, children, and grandchildren. This means making time to really engage with them by turning off my phone and interacting. The same thing applied to my connection with God by finding a space without distractions to allow Him to work in my spirit and rebuild me.
Helping others can be non-stop, and all-day-every-day, if you let it happen. In the middle of helping with others, whether it’s family, profession, or your calling, it is easy to come out of the experience tired and burnt out. When you are feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted, it is okay to give yourself permission to pause.
Even though preparing for this blog, Helping Others, Helping Yourself was not what I expected, it’s been a useful and worthwhile journey full of self-awareness and valuable lessons learned. This time spent learning about what I need, and what it takes for me to stay balanced physically and emotionally allows me to better serve others. This journey to stay balanced is something I will always be working towards, and taking a pause for self-care allows me to be more effective at helping others, as well as helping myself.
Valerie Rust is a life-long resident of Richland County who retired in 2016 as the Assistant Director of the Richland County Child Support Agency to volunteer full-time for Starfish Project of Richland County. She is one of the founding members of the non-profit which assists those struggling with addictions to locate treatment options. She currently works as a part-time Peer Recovery Coach for Catalyst Life Services and assists individuals in treatment from addictions to link with community resources. Valerie is married to Stan Rust who retired from General Motors to also volunteer for Starfish Project. They have five adult children, fourteen grandchildren, and two spoiled diva dogs.
If you were sneaking into my house with the intention of finding out who I am, you might take a look inside my refrigerator. I often feel you can tell a lot about a person by what is in their fridge, bathroom and by what they read. After making a few observations including the fact that the light in the refrigerator needs replacing, you might think that the person who lives here must be healthy. The contents would include gluten-free veggie burgers, organic meats, yogurt and various whole foods.
Once you made your way upstairs, the bathroom would reveal organic shampoo and Annamarie’s Labyrinth soap along with natural, earth-friendly cleaners. If you stopped with the kitchen and bathroom, you might think that you could begin to put together a picture of who I am. If we were to use a stereotype, you might think I am a bit “granola”, a “crunchy” or a smidge “earthy”. This definitely tells the story of a woman who owns Birkenstocks. Some of this might even be true.
Then you would open my closet door. A closet would surely be the place that would be the most telling about a person. Right? At first glance you observe that hanging inside are clothes of a similar style with a specific color palette. Then you put on your best Sherlock Holmes impersonation and take a closer look. Once you finish gasping at the ridiculous quantity of shoes, you might begin to look at the clothing labels. You would notice that the tags inside the garments range from small to extra large and the picture starts to look a little less consistent with your prior thoughts about my identity.
One of our core values at Mind Body Align is to keep things simple and authentic, and I’m going to be extraordinarily vulnerable and authentic with you about my health and fitness journey.
I was steadily gaining
I was a skinny kid complete with knobby knees, glasses and a bowl haircut (we called it a Dorothy Hamill. If you aren’t old enough to remember it then give it a quick Google search). This physical body was mine—albeit gawky—and over time, I grew comfortable in it.
Puberty came, and I was pretty okay with who I was and how I looked. Throughout high school and college, I was physically active and maintained a healthy weight. I read Seventeen magazine and later Vogue and slightly idolized the models. I loved how the clothes looked on them. Thin was in.
All of that changed in my mid-twenties and early thirties. My weight was out of control. Have you ever heard the term, “size denial”? That was me. Over many years, I was steadily gaining weight. I knew that I was shopping in the plus size section—hello Lane Bryant—but somehow that did not connect with the logical part of my brain that knew that I was not healthy. My reality was warped.
Make conscious choices
The change came in a room at Mansfield General Hospital. My grandmother was dying from complications of diabetes. She spent several weeks in the hospital, and I came home from Florida to be with her. My usual coping mechanism had been to eat my way through a crisis. Food was a comfort for me. This crisis was no different as I spent hours in the hospital cafeteria.
One day when I was sitting by her side, a nurse came into the room with a scale. I had not measured my weight for years so I decided to step on. Size denial no more! The numbers don’t lie. I decided right then and there that I needed to make swift and severe changes. I did not want to spend my last days suffering in the same way as my grandmother.
I immediately started to make conscious choices about food, and as soon as I returned to Florida, I joined a local Weight Watchers group. My weight loss journey was a fourteen month one with the end result being a loss of 75 lbs. I went from wearing a size 20 to size 6. I tell you this only so you can get an idea of the change. I faithfully walked 30 minutes a day and eventually added other forms of exercise. Most importantly, I was healthy. It wasn’t about a diet. It was about a lifestyle change. Yes. The scale was my new best friend, but I viewed it more as a tool and not the judge and jury. I maintained my goal weight and stayed within a healthy range for 15 years.
Be your best self
The topic this month is about sharing challenges and triumphs, and I’ve had my share of both in regards to health and fitness. At this moment, I am challenged. I am having a tough time controlling my weight and prioritizing regular exercise. Although I eat mostly healthy foods, attend yoga classes, ride a bike and enjoy other outdoor activities, there is room for improvement.
Recently, I was scrolling through Instagram when a post caught my eye. It was a picture of a pair of feet on a scale. The scale read 180.4 lbs. It was a post from Olympic Volleyball player, Gabby Reece. Gabby is not only a professional volleyball player, but she is also a sports announcer, fashion model, and actress. She also happens to be my age.
Here is what she wrote: “Scale talk. I’m 6 foot 3 in and don’t fit into any of the typical measuring modalities. Just a reminder. Be your best self. In my case, I’m going with “one big bitch.” Just concern yourself with being healthy, feeling good, sleeping, and connecting. Not ready to talk about cellulite yet.” This was, as Oprah says, an “Ah Ha” moment for me
Discovery and triumph
I am discovering that my body is changing and I am needing to embrace new strategies as I move through middle age. As I approach my fifties, I am realizing that health and fitness are more important to me than the size on a label, and I want to live my life in such a way that I am physically able to have all the experiences that I choose to have.
I have all of the tools I need to achieve success and this feels like a triumph. I also feel strength and support from my tribe as I embark on my newest journey. This is my health and fitness story, not my life story. I will do this!
The closet that you peered into at the beginning of this blog does, in fact, contain a variety of sizes. The story my wardrobe tells is that the woman who lives in my house and wears those clothes is a real woman with real challenges. She buys organic food, is a little bit crunchy, sometimes struggles to live her best life and, through it all, she is enjoying the journey.
Jennifer Blue is the Operations Director for Mind Body Align having joined the team in August of 2017. She studied political science at Otterbein College and the University of Louisville. She returned to Mansfield in 2005 and is excited to be a part of the positive changes occuring in our community.
I’ll admit it; this particular topic was difficult for me at this point in my life. You see, for the last several weeks I have felt more un-amazing than anything else. I dragged my feet on writing this knowing I’d have to fess up to the terrible way I’ve felt about myself recently. So… here it is: after losing my job I felt like a giant failure. I was certain everyone could see that failure on my face. But you know what? Now that I’ve said it out loud, I can see how awful it really is.
It’s ok to feel un-amazing for a while
Why did I let that statement make me so miserable for literally months?
We all go through these cycles of feeling bad and then getting better but we greatly undervalue a certain part of the process: the part where we dust ourselves off and try again. Why do we give such weight to the negative and yet, without blinking, completely undermine the strength and courage it takes to overcome our darkness?
That journey, the one that only you know, it’s special and there is amazingness in having lived it. So let me share with you some lessons I’ve learned along the way to help me get past these negative feelings and start again with sincerity towards my own amazingness.
Tell your story
In her 2015 publication, “Rising Strong”, Brene Brown says, “vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”
By owning your experience and sharing it with others, you become the narrator of your own history. It’s your story, so make sure you tell it with conviction. For example, leaving my former position was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. There are still days when I am not sure it was right but what I do know is that in the wake of that decision, I’ve pondered new ideas and pursued things that I never thought would be a reality for me.
I’ve become more attuned to my strengths, due in large part to my moments of weakness. I am more comfortable in my abilities than I might have ever realized had I stayed where I was. To me, this unexpected realization is pretty amazing.
Find your tribe
What’s cool about finding the right group of people is you really recognize their importance in your life when you feel the least awesome about yourself.
Moment of truth coming up: I haven’t always been a good friend.
I rarely make dates to get together and if I do, I often have to reschedule because of my job or kids or some other pressing issue. But let me hear that a friend is down on hard times and I’m there. No questions asked. This is what I’ve experienced recently but on the receiving end.
The women and men who I call my “tribe” really stepped up and helped me through the dark parts by saying all the nice things to me that I wasn’t able to say to myself at the time. You see, if you surround yourself with people who will jump in and be champions for you when you are unable to climb out of the pit, you’ve got yourself something seriously amazing there. Even better, when you have true and loyal supporters who lift you up, you’ll start to see yourself the way they see you and soon afterward, you may even start believing it, too.
Free your mind
If you come to my home and it is really, really clean, you’d be witnessing the aftermath of some mental tornado. Like so many others, I clean when I am stressed or depressed or need a moment to gather myself. The act of physically placing things in order can have tremendous metaphysical benefits for our internal journey.
As Albert Einstein, said, “Out of clutter find simplicity; From discord find harmony; In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”
When we release the weight of things which no longer serve us, whether in our careers, our homes, or our hearts, we open up space to carry the things we didn’t have the strength for before. Sometimes, the simplest things can bring amazingness to the surface—you just have to prepare your mind to accept it—which you can’t do if it is filled with too much unnecessary junk.
For me, I found this in good old fashion exercise. Not only did I get the endorphin high from the physical activity but I also started to see results, which helped me let go of so much of the negativity I had toward myself about my appearance. Just physically feeling better helped clear my mind of the awful and hurtful things I would think about myself on the regular.
It’s OK to know you’re amazing!
When the time comes to let all that negativity and self-loathing go, you’ll know.
One day, suddenly, you’ll realize that you’re stronger than you were the day before. You’ll remember how hard you’ve worked and you may even get mad at yourself that you allowed this sad state to go on for so long. But don’t get distracted here. Now is the time to own your experience by sharing it with others and reaching out to your tribe. Soon you will begin to clear the clutter and start again.
The moment when you decide to live with our un-amazingness and keep going anyway, this is the most amazing part that we often overlook. So next time you find yourself in this place, where you have to choose to stay the same or to live in your un-amazingness, recognize that what you’ve done, what you have, and where you are going is actually pure, golden amazingness. Let this be the part of you that shines.
Mary Cabrera Kennard is a self-made dreamer, a global citizen, and a pogonophile who resides in Mansfield, Ohio with her husband, Blake, and their two young sons, Griffin and Phoenix. For over 10 years Mary served the non-profit community in Mansfield as the Education and Outreach Director at the Mansfield Art Center and most recently as the Deputy Director at the Ohio State Reformatory Historic Site. Mary is a graduate of Bowling Green State University where she received a Bachelors of Arts in Art History with an emphasis on visual culture. As a Richland County native, Mary returned to the area after receiving her degree in hopes to grow roots in the community where she grew up. Mary contributes to the areas’ cultural landscape through her efforts as a fashion & lifestyle influencer on Instagram and as a self-taught makeup artist through her business, Ohio Style Vibe. In addition to her own ventures, Mary acts as a brand style-strategist for Black Forge Creative, a multi-media design company owned by her brother, Dennis Cabrera.
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